This is a difficult post for me to share publicly, both from a personal perspective, as well as a business perspective.
The last 2 years have been long and difficult both personally and professionally.
- Out of control stress levels from running multiple businesses on my own leading to chronic anxiety and panic attacks. On one occasion bringing me to the local ER thinking I was having a seizure (not to mention my blood pressure, which has also been through the roof for awhile now)
- It doesn’t help that my business allows me the “freedom” to work from anywhere there is an internet connection, as this leads to some very unique boundary issues if you’re driven and motivated like I am.
- Nothing but difficulties and problems in building my online fitness business (which is currently tanking by the way, thanks for asking).
- This, despite the tens of thousands of hours and dollars spent to create the backend infrastucture, systems and programs to make it work the way I want and get people the results they are looking for (you won’t get any fake smiles, sunshine and roses from me, there’s too much BS on the internet already, don’t you think?)
- This has also led to family pressures and friction at times as well, as I struggle to find balance between work and family.
- Multiple injuries that have led to chronic, daily, seemingly unending pain, no matter what I try (believe me, I’ve tried everything). It has also resulted in daily “pins and needles” feelings in my hands and feet, which the doctors haven’t been able to explain or treat properly, despite MRI’s, X-Rays, medications, etc.
- All of this has kept me from training like I used to, which is horribly frustrating. In fact, my workouts of late have been extremely minimal, and quite disappointing from a performance and results standpoint, as well as in what I am able to do. No more squatting and deadlifting for this cowboy. In fact, very little strength training PERIOD. And what I am able to do has to be significantly modified so that I’m not in pain for days at a time.
- As someone who loves to workout, and derives quite a bit of mental benefit from training (I am also diagnosed with bi-polar disorder), this has caused quite a disruption in my life and well-being, as well as my mental outlook. I no longer have the stress outlet I once had.
- I’ve gained 20 pounds of fat as a combined result of stress eating, not being to work out the way I used to, and having a few drinks most nights of the week as a way of destressing and chilling out before I go to bed and do it all over again.
I’ve basically stopped posting health and fitness related content on social media for my business, because I feel like an IMPOSTER. Who am I to give out health and fitness advice when my life is a silent disaster?
But if you ask me how I’m doing on any given day, I’ll just throw up a big grin and say I’m doing “awesome”, because no one cares right?
I mean we all have problems don’t we?
Which leads me to the point of this post.
Yes, we all have problems, but at some point there comes a time where you need to say “enough” and just push that reset button.
For me, that button was pushed 3 days ago.
I’ve had enough of chronic stress and fear about the future…
I’ve had enough of near constant anxiety and panic attacks…
I’ve had enough of feeling disgusting, with no energy, an ever expanding waistline, and terrible habits…
I’ve had enough of chronic pain, stiffness and misery…
I’ve just had enough, PERIOD!
The last 3 days have seen an acceptance, and subsequent rejuvenation, in my training habits and in my mentality towards health and balance.
I’m doing what I CAN do, and I don’t concern myself with what I CAN’T
Change the habits I need to change ONE DAY at a time. No more worrying about tomorrow or the next day.
FIND ways to destress like going for walks, sitting in the hottub, watching baseball (not looking at my phone or checking my email), or just taking a moment to take long deep breaths.
I’ve also started researching and experimenting with various nutritional supplements focused on specific mineral deficiencies related to the issues that I am dealing with, and I’m finding a bit of relief.
Trying different combinations of vitamins and minerals, adding in things like beet root powder for my blood pressure, and sea salt to make sure my electrolytes are good.
I’m going to start posting more regularly on my journey in the coming months.
Daily insights, things that are helping me, how I’m doing, as well as fitness related content (although my focus now is shifting more into the health and wellness aspect of fitness rather than the aesthetic part).
I still have my fat loss programs running, and they work awesome. Shoot me a PM if you are interested in checking them out, but my focus has definitely shifted, I think for the better of both myself, and my clients and followers moving forward.
If you are interested in following my journey, stay tuned…